A modest proposal to apply to the 1st Amendment, regulations equivalent to those proposed for the 2nd

What if the rights protected by the 1st Amendment were subject to the same restrictions as the rights protected by the 2nd?

1 The manufacture, importation, transfer and use of All high speed presses is hereby banned. In addition, specific presses to be listed later are banned.

2. No publication may contain more than 10 pages. No sentence, either spoken or in print, may contain more than ten words or words of more than two syllables (oops).

3. All cameras, smart phones, digital tablets and personal computers must be registered with the govt. within 90 days.

4. No one, other than government officials, may access the internet as speeds higher than 56kbs (AKA a "dial-up" connection).

5. Everyone residing in or entering the USA will be voiceprinted, said voice print to be maintained in a national data base so that a person uttering offensive speech may be easily identified. Anyone subsequently found without a voiceprint on file will have their vocal cords removed and forever loose their right to speak.

6. Any property, private or public, may be designated as no speech zones. Anyone entering such zones will have their mouths duct-taped to prevent disallowed speech.

7, Conversation between private individuals is not allowed. All conversation must take place in a government licensed location where the conversation can be monitored and recorded. All conversation must be face-to-face after presentation of proper ID verified by voiceprint analysis. No words or pictures may be exchanged electronically or by mail.

8. Religious practices shall be limited to specified places of worship (list of approved places to follow). No religious services may be held in a facility that does not have an exterior appearance common to approved places of worship.